God all alone to myself!

An Hour In The Garden

"He went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when evening was come, he was there alone" (Matt. 14:23).

 

The man Christ Jesus felt the need of perfect solitude--Himself alone, entirely by Himself, alone with Himself. We know how much intercourse with men draws us away from ourselves and exhausts our powers. The man Christ Jesus knew this, too, and felt the need of being by Himself again, of gathering all His powers, of realizing fully His high destiny, His human weakness, His entire dependence on the Father.

 

How much more does the child of God need this--himself alone with spiritual realities, himself alone with God the Father. If ever there were one who could dispense with special seasons for solitude and fellowship, it was our Lord. But He could not do His work or maintain His fellowship in full power, without His quiet time.

 

Would God that every servant of His understood and practiced this blessed art, and that the Church knew how to train its children into some sense of this high and holy privilege, that every believer may and must have his time when he is indeed himself alone with God. Oh, the thought to have God all alone to myself, and to know that God has me all alone to Himself! --Andrew Murray

God has given me butterflies!

What God has done in my heart to prepare me for China:

As i think about all that God has done to bring me to this place in my life
I stand in honest disbelief.

I don't understand it.

I have never been a part of something way beyond myself.

I am so amazed at my King.  Only He has the power to do this in me.

It has been a transformation, a slow process.  He knew exactly when certain events in my life
would need to take place to get me onto "His plan" for me to submit to go joyfully.  He knew the perfect timing for every little detail.

I keep praying for an increasing love for my Savior, and He is giving that to me.

I don't want to be just a "missionary" on assignment.  I want to be a "passionary".
I want the inner fire that Paul had and to be able to say joyfully, "I get to go to China
to share Jesus!"

When I am with my Lord and think upon everything He has done and is doing in me,
I get butterflies inside!  I get excited that He has made His desires, my desires.

This is how I can go to China, because of His work through me.

God's Gift of a Vacation

I am so thankful for God's perfect timing in everything.  Now I am especially thankful for His timing in our vacation in Seal Beach with Cara and her husband, Dan.  It has been an extremely busy summer both at work and at home and we are totally blessed to take a break in such a beautiful place that He has created!  It is wonderful not to have to get up to an alarm everyday, not to have to be anywhere at a specific time...aka no agenda.  Thank you LORD for this gift!  The fellowship, the time together with the LORD, the marveling at God's glorious creation, the fun, the laughter, the talks and especially seeing God move has been a treat for my heart! 

I have had the desire for awhile to not look ahead and to live fully right where I am.  I believe God is granting me that desire.  I'm sure this is because this is the true way He intends me to live!

Laughing At Growing Old!

I, along with many others, have been faced with many physical changes as I am "maturing" and I have made a decision:

I choose to laugh at myself....ALOT!

At work,  I was talking to my boss about my bursitis....BURSITIS! I don't know about you, but when I heard that word as a youngster I thought it was for old people.  Well,  I have it!  LOL

I also have an increase of multiple things:  

grey hair
thinning hair
some memory loss
some hearing loss
weight
age spots
poor vision
aches and pains
decreased sleep
gravity on the face
gravity on the body

BUT,  I can laugh at these temporary weird things happening.  There is no sense in battling against them or not welcoming them....they are present and they are a part of me.  I choose to laugh at myself and enjoy the freedom of being a part of this 50+ club for awhile.  I am thankful that God draws me to focus on the important things, not the things that are aging more rapidly than I am comfortable with.  I am thankful I have a husband that I laugh with almost everyday about the funny things that are going on with us!  

 It's only forgetting yourself that you draw near to God. -Henry David Thoreau

Life is Divine!

I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT

DANIEL

Chapter 9 of the book of Daniel is powerful!

I am really studying this prayer of Daniel with a true desire to know his heart.

How did he love the Lord God?

How did he have such devotion?

How much love did He have for God?

I have in the past, leaned towards Paul and Moses...

but the Lord is introducing me to someone else that I need to know.

Daniel, a seeker of God

A prayer warrior

A man who repeatedly denied himself

A fervent God pursuer

An unselfish individual

A man of regular confession

A God depender

A God praiser

A humble man

An obedient soul

A righteous man

A prophesier and glorifier of His God!

His words are rich in the prayer of this chapter...

My heart cries out through reading and meditating on this passage:

I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THAT!

I WANT TO BE A DANIEL.

GOD, my Teacher

The past two weeks have been very interesting for me...
Not full of dramatic events that would catch anyone else's eye...
But for me, God has taught me quite a bit!  And this is so interesting to me....

I have learned that it is better not to have expectations....
For more often than not, they will not be met....
Although with some that really love me....
They are met and go beyond, sometimes....

I have learned, in God's strength, that I HAVE to extend grace to others.....
EVEN when I don't feel like it.  (Really, how often do I feel like it)....
GOD covers me with grace every day of my life...
Do I deserve it? In a word, "NO!"
So if I want to follow Him, I must be His student and apply what I have learned....

I have learned that not everyone is appreciative....
This one is hard, because God has made me SO appreciative....
This is a sensitive area for me, but IT'S NOT ABOUT ME....
Do I appreciate ALL that GOD has done for me? ....
I think I have, but I AM POSITIVE I have not....

I have learned that just because you want a great relationship with someone,
doesn't mean that it will happen or that they even want that with you....

I have learned to "accept certain things that I cannot change"....
Isn't that a famous line from something?....

I have learned that on my road of sanctification somewhere....
God has done a work in me that I no longer choose to stay in hurt.....
This is big for me, I don't know how God did it.....
I can move past things that I feel have hurt me by others....
Quicker than I ever could before......
I am amazed.....

And the most important lesson of all that I have learned....
God is committed to my happiness in HIM....
That's where it lies...
He is not about making me happy with the things that I think will make me happy....
They are counterfeits....
He is the REAL DEAL!

It has been alot of learning....
Chewing on hard things....
I am believing Him for alot more teaching, but lately, this has been eye opening....

all for HIM!

Rescued Once Again

EPILOGUE TO THIS POST:


I still can't say enough
For what You've done for me
With this limited vocabulary
All I wanna do is let You know that You
You had the heart to change the heart of me
You took me to a love I never knew
On and on and on I go
With limited descriptive prose
And I give up 'cause I've said it all before

(Ben Glover)


I used some of the lyrics to Ben Glover's "26 Letters" to precede this post because I feel that my amazement of God is always leaving me speechless.  I cannot come up mere words that come close to describing who God is to me.....so I won't.  I will have to suffice to share what He did in my life yesterday.


I woke up in the morning totally BLUE.  A matter of self-pity dragging myself through the day.  Battling with thoughts as I prepared for work in the morning, as I worked at my job, as I toiled around the house in the afternoon, as I drove to prayer in the evening, as I prayed, and as I was returning home.  Then GOD rescued me!  I shared with my dear husband, who is so wonderful with me, how I have been struggling so much and he prayed over me and held me close.  I began to slowly feel distanced from my self-pity and I knew it was God's rescuing me.  He was not finished with me in this yet and the day had not ended.  A dear friend had given me the book "66 Love Letters" at prayer that night to read and Glenn and I read a chapter before bed. Glenn suggested we read the chapter on Joshua and, should I be surprised, it was the final way, that day, that God will let me know how much He cares for me.  It blew us away!  


You see one of the ways that I struggle most in my life is to not be near my children and my granddaughter. The evil one knows this and I have endured many battles in my mind on this subject.  Why did this happen? Why, when Glenn and I wanted more children and God closed the door - are the ones we have, so far away? Why do others have their children nearby and their grandchildren near them and I can only see mine a few times a year?  These and other questions have swarmed around in my mind many countless times and at the end of it, I am down for the count.


Well, last night, my GREAT GOD and LOVER of my soul spoke to me in a sweet way that literally found me speechless with joy!  In the chapter of Joshua, God reminded me that loving Him and being faithful to His plan requires HATING EVERYTHING IN ME that is opposed to Him, everything about me that wants someone or something besides JESUS to have first place in my life.  He reminded me that as I move toward Him, it will involve exhausting battle and humbling failure.  


My worst enemy is in me.  My tendency is to want what I want, MORE than what God wants and to think that it is okay with Him.  It isn't.  A spirit of entitlement and jealousy will plague me until I leave this world.  I need discernment to identify it, recognize it as wrong, and know how to navigate my way through it.  So I have begun this part of my journey and today is a better day.  I am not foolish enough to believe that it will never occur again...but my hope is that in God's strength, I will overcome this more than I will be defeated.  I am asking God to help me better understand this battle I need to fight within me and how to go about fighting it.  My desire is that HE WILL BE VICTORIOUS in me, as I humbly submit to HIS plan for my life.