If you want me to...

This beautiful song is by Ginny Owens and it spoke to my heart today.


The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons why you brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to.

And it may not be the way I would've chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that your love put you through
And I will go through the valley if you want me to.


I recommend listening to it on you tube :)


all for HIM!

my sanctuary

This picture is my focus...
It's where I have journeyed to...
It brings me things of Him...
The Peace, the Faith, the Hope that only He can give me...

I am not focusing on what's around me...
I TRUST HIS FAITHFULNESS!
I am not concerning my self with tomorrow...
I TRUST HIS FAITHFULNESS!
I don't want my will...
I TRUST HIS FAITHFULNESS!

I want to stay hidden in Him...
I want all He has to offer me...
I want to resist temptation...

I simply want to rest in His arms.

While I'm Waiting

I love it when certain songs at key times in my life really resonate with what I am enduring.  It plays, I listen and say in my heart, "yea that's how I feel."  While I'm Waiting is the song for my heart and soul right now.

I am waiting,

I am waiting on you Lord

And I am Hopeful

(standing on Hope!)

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

(so painful like I've never known)

But patiently, I will wait.

I will move ahead, bold and confident

(In Your strength, I will move ahead)

Taking every step in obedience

(it's the way I can move ahead)

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

(I want to serve You, Lord)

While I'm waiting

I will worship

(Everyday, I will worship and adore You)

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

(You, O Lord, will give me strength I need)

I'll be running the race

(Provide me with unending courage!)

Even while I wait

(It will all be worth it!)

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

(My obedience gives me peace)

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

(Only You give me the ability to wait)

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

(You have made it clear to me, to wait)

I will serve You while I'm waiting

(You provide me with fortitude I need)

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will SERVE You while I'm waiting

I will WORSHIP while I'm waiting

I WILL SERVE YOU WHILE I'M WAITING

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Like Peter

To me, it's the most wonderful time of the year!  The Spring season is a season of newness all around in Father's creation.  It's a celebration of the winter being behind me and looking forward to the trees and flowers blooming and the season of Easter and hope.  As I have been reading and thinking about the events that led up to The Son's crucifixion, I've decided to look at Peter with more focus.

We all know Peter's story, denying his Friend three times before the rooster crowed.  I used to think, how could he do that?  How could he betray the One he followed?   How could he deny his friend, the one that he claimed over and over again to love.  As I've grown older, I realize that I probably would've done the same.  It would have been my first response, I'm sure.  If I think about it, when I am fearful and don't think about what I am going to say it's usually something that I'll regret.  He was human and that's probably what happened, since he was fearful.  

Just like Peter, we live in those few moments between the rooster's first crow..worldliness, getting by, provision, familiarity...and the second crow of shame, realization, loss, despair and weeping.  After the first crow, it's an opportunity to turn around and change my course.  But after the second crow, well that one is the realization of truth and remorse usually follows.

I can learn a lot from Peter, but what I am learning this season is that I don't want to continue with the shame, realization, loss, despair and weeping as much as in my past.  I want to gain wisdom from this story.  I want to be prepared and less fearful, so that I will be well equipped when the second crow comes.  I want to remember and be encouraged that 106 times the word, wait, is used in The Word, for perfect reason.  I want to wait and then respond, so I can hang my head in shame...less.

Living in Beijing

Today, before class, we invited our neighbors for lunch.  Our neighbors are a German teacher who has a Chinese wife and a young lady from Spain.  As we enjoyed lunch and conversation together, it dawned on me that this is a benefit of living here.  We get to share meals with foreigners from other countries and share about our culture and our experiences here in China.  So I think I will share with you, first, the positives of living here for this season.  

Most Chinese people like foreigners, especially if you are kind and respectful to them.  Many of them think to do little extras for us and it makes us smile.  Just yesterday, Glenn and I went to a dining hall on campus to have lunch after class. We were sitting there eating lunch and a lady worker there saw that we were eating a rice dish with chopsticks and went and got us each a spoon.  When we go into our market on campus to our vegetable and fruit people, they love to throw in little freebies for us to enjoy.  Right now it seems to be cherry tomatoes.

Rather than bore you with all the details, I will just list some other benefits and if you have questions you can email me.  Cheap public transportation that includes buses galore, big subway system and cheap taxis.  Lots of vegetables and fruits everywhere.  Students always encouraging us that we should take a nap everyday.  Impromptu visits when someone wants to see you.  A culture that is so relational. Lots of good food available.  Hot pot. Lots of free tea to be had. Respectful students with lots of smiling faces.  Cheap cell phone plans.  Chinese love to bring fruit as a gift, just this week we were given watermelon and a bag of cherry tomatoes.  Two places on either side of our campus to get good coffee.  Seven very cheap dining halls and five restaurants right on campus.  Most students like to play badminton.  And best of all:  talking of the son is as easy as discussing the weather :)

Next time I'll share some, not so positive things, cause we know everywhere has them!  

Joy Restored

It's been four months since I've been on this blog, and it's not that I didn't have anything to write,  but I didn't know what to write.   With so many things swirling around in my head, I just couldn't get them to the keyboard, maybe that's why it's called, "writer's block."  The fact is that I have been "in school" with the Father learning some pretty intense lessons these previous months and I have felt my mind was swimming and that's all it could do.  Too tired, too mentally exhausted, too wiped out after all the "swimming" brain activity, and not enough energy left to sit and write.  I am finally at peace now, my mind is at rest and my joy is restored.

Since coming to Beijing, I have been stretched beyond anything I expected!  It's been so hard and so painful.  But I have been privileged to know my Father in ways that I don't think I would've otherwise.  He has given me abundant strength and sustained me in the days that all I could do was go through the motions.  He has forgiven me, when in the beginning months I desired to be disobedient to His calling for me.  He has used me, even in my weaknesses.  He has healed me of pain and much grieving.  He has given me a new song.  Best of all He is so much more to me.  I trust Him in such a deeper way and my love for Him is newer!  I am thankful for what the Father has brought me through, because I am different.  I am more of who He has designed me to be.

Looking back, Father's showed me how I have had tendencies related to Lot's wife, Jeremiah the prophet and Job. I never thought of relating to any of these people, especially Lot's wife, until Father showed me that in one way I was doing exactly what she did that turned her into salt.  She became cold, careless and disobedient.  She couldn't fully let go of what she was to leave behind.  I struggled with this.  Along with my feelings of grieving the past of what I left behind and the homesickness, conformity and compromise began to crowd in.  My faith that I thought was so strong began to erode.  I was beginning to move towards having a divided heart and from that came a lot of grief.  Enter, Jeremiah, the weeping part of Jeremiah.  I don't think I was ever able to fully understand "weeping" until I was the one doing this.  I felt so much loss, such a longing for what was behind me, but most of all such a deep sadness over my sin of my divided heart.  My spirit was in a state of anguish and I could barely stand myself.  As for the Job part, that was some understanding of his "ashes".  When Job sat among the ashes He began to see and repented.  Thankfully, Father showed me how to do the same.  As I sat among the dust and ashes, my Father was able to get me to focus only on Him.  He reminded me of His power, His sovereignty,  His strength in me.  As I was finally taking His strength, I knew it was the end of the path of this destructive storm I had been in.  He restored my joy in Him and pulled me from the ashes and I am rejoicing!

There is such beauty now in my newfound love relationship with Him.  The old way of thinking has disappeared.  There is absolutely nothing that I can add or take away to make His plan any greater, so I have humbly submitted my heart to His plan for me.  I am not questioning His purpose or looking back and wishing things were as before.  I am able to thank Him for blessing upon blessing in the past seasons of my life, and I am praising Him for this present season of blessing!  All the twists and turns threw me off balance and caused such painful stretching, but in the end I am able to embrace His will and proclaim that He is the Hero of this story!  HE IS FAITHFUL!